nobody else knows you like I do. nobody else can see through your mask. nobody else knows what your thinking. nobody else knows it is all a game. nobody else can see you’re pretending. nobody else can see that you’re hurt. nobody else can be there for you when you get kicked to the dirt.
I’m always the one who is there for you. I’m always the one you go to. I’m always the one you call crying, I drop everything for and go to.
I don’t understand how you could say those things to me the way you did. I don’t understand how you can go off with them, like you never talked shit.
All I am saying is listen, please don’t blow me off. I know who you really are, and if you wanna go out your last year with a bang, so be it. But don’t expect me to stick around and watch you be a fake, cause I know those are the people you really hate.
It seems that every single time something bad happens to me, something bad also happens to a close friend. Being the person I am, I of course push my problems aside and focus on whatever is going on with my friend and help them through their hard time. Then I am left with unresolved thoughts and issues which are now eating away at me inside. I can drown the thoughts out with the blasting music I torture my ears with, but this only lasts as long as the song itself. I don’t really know what to do anymore. I just feel lost in a sea of confident people. I feel alone in a crowded room. I feel like I am the only one there for me, and that isn’t enough. I don’t mean to sound self centered when I say this, but when can it be about me, and not everyone else?
What hurt the most was not what you did to me. What hurt the most was not knowing we would never be the same. What hurt the most was not you lying to me. What hurt the most was coming to the realization that you have changed. You are not the same person you used to be when I first met you. You are not the same person I would want to spend time alone with. I realized you have changed and I was holding on to the person you used to be. Thats what hurt - knowing I would never have the you I fell in love with ever again.
as I yelled the words, “thanks for ruining our friendship!” …you didn’t even turn around. You didn’t even hesitate. You just kept on pounding down those stairs like you had no reason to leave at all. What hurt me the most was not the things you said or the way you treated me, it was the fact that you did not care that you just ruined our friendship. Then as I listened to you go down the next set of stairs, a little softer like you just finally realized what you did, a thought entered my mind: did you ever care? This whole time, did you ever really care about me? Were you just another user? Another person who could give a crap about me but just pretends to like me for what I have. You told me not 5 minutes earlier I was one of your best friends and then you pull this? I don’t know what would hurt more, if you eventually stopped caring or if you never did at all.
I should expect this to happen now. I need to learn to expect the lowest out of the people I thought the highest of.
I just cannot comprehend what you did to me and your further actions.
I’m moving on but I’m barely breathing. I am holding on but we are slipping. We are falling apart. I can’t feel my heart. Won’t you save me from this nightmare? I need you now more than ever. You promised me everything would be okay. YOU PROMISED. Never make a promise you cannot keep. I thought this would be different, I thought things would change. I guess I was a fool to think that you would walk away.
my life has not gone the way that I planned it to go. I’ve hit a really tough bump in my life, and I’m feeling lost. But over this weekend I realized I can’t let that get me down. I’ll get back on track some how, and eventually.